One last look before I turned off the lights and shut the door for the final time.

I'm not one for dramatic change, so this was particularly hard for me. I don't want to speak ill of my old district or school, but I came to realize it just wasn't a good fit for me anymore.

More than a few times I sat in my car trying to talk myself into walking into the building. I had near constant sleepless nights which made for long caffeine-fueled days.

Over Christmas break my husband gently recommended that I find a better balance. He missed his wife and our son missed his mom. But like the main character of one of those cheesy, uplifting teacher movies, all I could think of was how to reach my students. Even when I was at home I was reading/looking things up/trying to be better. I was always trying to find "the thing" that would work for my struggling students. I spent so much money and even more time trying to be my best.

My best ended up not being good enough for many of my kids. I had an over-crowded classroom, very little support (aside from most of my team, they were my rock), and a very high-needs group of students. I was also on a really new team and was mentoring a first and second year teacher. I felt like I was set up to fail. And while I didn't fail completely, I failed me.

I succumbed to the high-stakes testing mania like I promised myself I would never do. My classroom never really felt like that community that both my students and I need. I neglected myself and my family. I went into the summer feeling like a total screw up and even tearfully expressed that to my administrators at our last meeting.

This photo doesn't really have anything to do with this blog post. But it's an awesome mug that my coworker made me and I feel like people should see it.

By the time my sleep went back to normal and I had enough time to reflect on my year, I decided I wanted a change. I had to at least try. Plus, they always say the best time to look for a job was when you already have one, right? So I applied at four schools that I hand-selected at surrounding districts. I wasn't expecting anything, but I knew I'd kick myself if I didn't even make an attempt. I received interview requests from 3 out of the 4 schools. I was shocked and elated.

I walked into my first interview 25 minutes early and incredibly nervous. It went better than I expected. I guess 13 years of experience makes the answers come to you. My favorite question and the one I struggled with the hardest was the last one. They asked if everything was equal between me and another candidate, why should they choose me? I had a pretty long wait time. Not going to lie. Then an answer came out that I didn't even realize was still true until I said it. I am passionate about education. Teaching is so important and I am still excited to be doing what I do. I'm still eager to try new things, to meet new challenges, and to just be a teacher. Those were the things I was missing after my school year was over. I was so beat down and tired that I couldn't even remember why I was there anymore.

I got a call the next day with a job offer. I'm so excited to be starting a new chapter in my life.

I wrote this as a personal story that I just needed to get out of my head. I think that teachers (rightly) focus mostly on the positive and I wanted to focus on another reality that I experienced. Teaching isn't easy and sometimes we have to find another way to enjoy what we love again.